Heroes

Yesterday, I met my heroes for the second time. Alesana is a band that "originated" from Raleigh, North Carolina, even though, 2 of the original members are from Maryland. They became my heroes the first time I listened to The Emptiness. It is an album with a story told throughout each song. It really made me fascinate on how people make music. Dennis Lee, the singer and my celebrity crush made me get into screaming. I love the way that screaming put enfasis on the line or word they are screaming.





The tickets to see Alesana were my 16th birthday present. I got the e-mail saying that I was supposed to arrive 2 hours in advanced and I would get to go to soundcheck and meet my heroes. I was so nervous! I got there though, only to find out that I missed soundcheck because of false advertising. I called mom and cried and complained. I watched the first band on stage with tears in my eyes the whole time. About halfway through their act though, I relized, "You know, I shouldn't be sad. I should be positive. I should be happy. At least I get to see them play. Maybe something will work out." I did just that. Thank you Shawn for putting all that PMA stuff in my head and in my heart. It really does work wonders.





I sat through Our Last Night, Honor Bright, and Vampires Everywhere, only to jump and sing when Immortal Love came on and Michael Vampire gave a lusty smile. so cute... lol. They were cool. The guitarst asked us if we had gum... Yeah... I don't know.





Next up: Alesana. The were only playing songs from albums from before The Emptiness. Once again, I felt great, amazingly great, that I could get my high and see them again. They are my heroes as I've said about 10 times in this blog now, but I just want to point that out, then show you why. Almost all of the venue was singing. It was great. Like usual, as well, Dennis would scream into the faces of young people in the crowd. One of those faces was mine. I was in the very corner, pushed between a young girl and her boyfriend and the ledge holding the speaker, so yes, when DennyDiablo came to our side and got in the very corner, his hair was literally in my mouth. I was too into it with the singing so I grabed his hand that held the mic and screamed with him a line from The Last Three Letter.



I was upset about not meeting them. I was glad I got to see them preform though. After the encore that all of us in the Lincoln Theater requested, it was time to pack up and head out. There was a drumstick on stage that I wanted though. The kid a few people down from me had gotten 2 or 3 already from previous bands. I would not let him have that one though. lol. I jumped on stage, grabbed it, and jumped off stage. The kid was mad but I didn't care. lol.





I was outside when I called Mom to tell her it was over. There was still one thing I wanted to do before I had to leave. I walked to the backdoor and there was Dennis.... In his underwear.... smoking a ciggerate. hah! I didn't want to talk to him like that.... I might've blushed or something and that would have been embarassing...





So I waited an hour at the backdoor, watching people come in and out the door with big boxes of equitment, and the Vampires were there looking so adorkable and I'd see an Alesana member every now and then. I kept asking a guy who had a pen if I could borrow his so that I could get the guys to sign it. I first got Dennis' signature, after he was dressed and while he was walking his adorable puppy and talking to his mom. I was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO nervous to talk to him. I asked the guy with the pen if I could borrow it for a second, went up to Dennis, counted to 10, and tapped him on the shoulder and asked him to sign my drumstick. I told him about missing soundcheck and he was apologetic and after he was finished signing my drumstick, I thanked him and just stood there for a second smiling. I was shocked. I did the only thing I thought was right..... I asked for a hug. xD Best hug of my LIFE!





Next, Shane, then Jeremy, then Shawn, then Pat. Honestly, You would never pick a favorite if you met and talked to each of these guys like I did. They are all SO nice! Pat talked to me and a guy who had an Alesana tattoo for 10-15 minutes. It was weird though cause I didn't know he smoked... >.>





I still had to get Alex Torres to complete the lot. I seen him nowhere though. I got in the car and mom asked if I wanted to complain about not getting to go to meet and greet. I thought it should have been taken care of so that's what we did. We made no progress with the venue manager so we went to find Alesana's tour manager. He was a nice man. He re-told the guys about me missing sound check and meet and greet so Shawn told me to go to the merch trailer and get what I wanted; it was free on them. I got a tee, then the tour manager did something I didn't think he should have though it was pretty cool that he did. While my mom talked to Pat, (LMAO) the tour manager rounded up Alesana and he made them take a picture with me. They didn't' mind one bit but I feel kind of bad that I took up their time.





Dennis had left earlier with his family but I was okay with that because I respect that he isn't one of those rock stars that doesn't care about their family and I had already gotten a hug anyway. Alex Torres came out of nowhere, literally. He was also extremely nice. We lined up for the picture, and to be honest, I am a little afraid of Crump. He just lets off that, "I don't feel dealing with you, eff off!" vibe. So the picture goes, Alex Torres, Me, Pat Thompson, Jeremy Bryan, Shawn Milke, and Shane Crump.





These guy did change my life, and that's why they are my heroes. They encouraged me to not be afraid of criticism, they taught me Positive Mental Attitude, and they made me WANT to do something with my life. I could never say thank you enough to them if I had the chance.

Judge me? I think NOT!

It pisses me off when someone puts me down for something I believe in, for something I support, for something I am, for something I want to be.

I just got yelled at by my mom because I posted the fkh8 video on my facebook profile because I WAS PROUD TO SAY I FKH8! I had to take it off just because I try so hard to make others around me I care about happy. You didn't get the message though, Mom. It wasn't to cuss someone out, or to offend them in anyway. It was to send the message out that people in this world are discriminating against gays everyday and they will not get the message through with these sweet simple messages that say, "please help fight against gay bashing" or some BS like that. We have to get it through peoples' thick skulls that this world is not about just one type of person. It is about us all. We are one world. Gays, Blacks, Whites, Hispanics, Transgenders, Hindus, Christians. It's all about love and hate. That is ALL the world is about. If we all can't love one another, we hate one another.

It's really hard doing all of this though; like ballencing the world on my head. I am gay. I've known this since I was in the first grade. Only shoving it out of my mind until I was 13 was the only way I knew how to deal with it. Then I used the excuse of bisexuallity. Now that I am proud to say it and know that nothing at all is wrong with it, I'm only ashamed of the peoples' reactions towards it. Not myself. Never would I hate myself for this.

This all started with the F word my friend used in excitment to see her favorite band. I used the F word before. It doesn't make the world crash down. Just know, not everyone exspresses themselves in the same way; not everyone likes the same music or belives in the same God or even belive in God at all. One person can have an opinion, just know, for your opinion, there is always another opinion to try to outdo that opinion.

The End,

Okay,
So I was looking threw some old boxes and I found my old diary. I haven't wrote in it since we moves so there were so pretty old things in it. In the back, there was a poem though that I had wrote. It was call "The Last Moments Of Life". It was a really good poem I wrote so I'm going to blog it.

The Last moments of life

by Emily Schnare

Shadows fall, I can't hear a thing.

Someone comes close but I don't know who it is.

Then comes the crash!

I feel my face hot,

Though it is really cold.

The world, my life, everything I knew...

Gone.

I check to see who is around me.

No one.

Silence blocks my hearing.

BOOM!

The noise comes flooding in.

Every word I ever spoke comes in at once.

I scream!

No one hears me.

It's too late anyway.

It's too late for me.

I am gone...

I would love feedback on this poem.

Info: I wrote this poem after my sister passed away. I don't know if that has anything to do with it's depressing tone. I hope not....

Alesana

I was on the rail in the back waiting the whole hour I had until my favorite band came on. I asked Weewee where she was and then I went where she was, to the front of the crowd. The Summer Set came on and a lot of fangirls kept trying to push us out of the way. Finally they got offstage. Another band played on the other side and they finally set up for Alesana to come on. I waited the longest time listening to music I didn't like just to be in the very front to see Shawn and Dennis. The other band finished after an eiternity and the music began. It was techno, with a good beat to dance to. Alesana took their place on the stage that was right in front of me and started to bounce. Finally, I got to see them. It drove me crazy. Jeremy gave the count off and, BOOM! The Murderer started blaring the amps into my ears. I screamed and sang along to every word. I couldn't believe it. My fingers were numb with excitment and I couldn't care on bit that I was being pushed into the wall infront of me.


I screamed and held out my hands and tried to get someone's attention. I decided to go for Dennis. I kept my eyes on him. eventually it worked and he smiled at me. I waved at him and tried to get him to come down from the stage. He only looked and smiled at me and the people around me with his face that clearly read, "you wish, huh?"


Durring The Murderer, there is a line in the song that says, "My thurst for blood turns me on". It's a funny story behind how I learned to laugh at that, but now I have more reason to. Each time Shawn would sing it, Dennis would mouth the words to, what really looked like me and Weewee and Harley. It was a very cinical, lusty smile that he gave when he said the words. Almost as if he were daring one of us to get up on stage and do something.


Shawn had his very own crazy dance moves that consisted of him touching parts of his body and pulling up his shirt. It was amazing. I almost got to touch him too. He was only a foot out of my reach.


Dennis waited until the very last song to jump off stage and get right in front of us to scream various parts of Apology. He moved away twice but at the very last part of the song, me and Weewee held out our hands and he grabed them to pull himself onto the rail again. He kept my hand though. I know that he let go of Weewee's hand because he was highfiving people around me. A full minuet of holding a sweaty, goodlooking, screamers hand and your head will reel. I fell in love in that minuet. haha. It was too great for words even. He let go of my hand and then got down and left.
I'm so happy that my first Warped Tour consisted of my first Alesana Concert and getting to touch, hug, and hold Dennis Lee's hand.


We went to see Mayday Parade after that but there were too many people to even get close to see them. Instead, we sat in the grass and I sung along to all the songs.


Weewee and I wanted Alesana tee shirts so we all headed that way. When we got there, only a guy from england was there selling the things and the tee shirts were too expensive for me to buy. I got a wristband and tipped the guy. He gave me a free sticker for the tip. All of us were standing there and a guy with a white tee shirt and his girlfriend walked up. I recongized the guy. It was Shawn Milke! I told Weewee and she was obviously stunned. I shook her and told her to go say hi to him. She stood there so I got him to sign my sticker. He was really nice. Weewee decided to do that. She asked him if he would sign a sticker for her if she got one and he said yes. He waited about 5 minuets which was really nice of him and she finally got her sticker. While we were waitng I got a picture with him from Harley's camera. I liked how he posed though I wish I would have remembered to fix my hair. I looked at the shot and I looked horible. >.< (ps. Shawn is very tall. Probably 6'3".) All in all, Sunburn sucks and so does getting pushed into the wall in front of you while you get kicked in the head by crowd surffers, but it is 100% worth it if you get to touch your favorite singer and see the other out of random by his bands tent. I love warped tour and Alesana. I am deffinantly going back and seeing them again.

Alesana, you are amazing.

left to right: Peezee, Denny Diablo, Shawn Milkey, Jeremy, Alex, Shane Crump. :D

I love you guys.

Mental Escape

Take me somewhere.
A place to get away.
Anywhere.
I can't stand it
here.

I can't stand the world sometimes. It's my second worst enemy aside from myself. Why do I hate the world so much? Religion, race, sexuality, wealth, and and all other different choices somehow cause the biggest conflicts.

War is an unnessicarry thing.

Unfourtunitly, no one will ever listen to what I have to say about it.

As I said before, I am litterally my own worst enemy. I hurt myself and I hurt others unintentionally. I'm sorry if you're one of the poor souls I have hurt. I'm sorry if I've ever let you down in anyway. . .

I really am sorry, even if I never say it.